just thinking

currently on my dad's dinosaur of a computer. it's speed is more than frustrating. not only because it takes like 2 minutes to load a page but because i find myself comparing it to the laptop that i used to have--MacBook Pro-- which was much faster and pretty much one of my, if not the most, favorite possessions. it's a tragic story and blurry story involving the last night at college, packing, possibly leaving my laptop case on top of my car or leaving it unlocked, theft or no theft, it was not in my car when i arrived at home the next day. i'm not really sure. this got me thinking about losing things important to me, things i claim to care for and take great care of. but why then do i lose them? do i really care? what do i care about? what is actually most important to me, in theory and in practice?
hm.
i hate losing things. even after telling myself that it doesn't matter, it's only material, it comes down to fault and dwelling on how much you have screwed up--the money you spent, or someone else's money that they spent on you because they love you-- now you are back at square one once it is gone, regressed to the person you were without this particular...thing. now im getting slightly sarcastic. and now im bored with this topic because shit doesn't matter.
i guess i just needed to vent about how much i hate losing things.