in a week!

yeah im still here
but not for long
rejuuuuvination in 7 days now
full of family friends
everything i love and miss
just enough time to want to get back paradise

this weekend, im sure ill have something to spill

golden arches of faith

why is there nothing like getting mcdonalds??
just had a really strenuous day of homework that lasted a whole three hours, and thought it necessary to reward myself with a cheeseburger and "patatas deluxe" and a giant coke. it was so soothing. not sure about things.

dollops of thanks

do you ever have those moments where you just stop and think about how happy you are that the world's workings have you in certain surreal place? well i hope you do as often as i do. last night was nonstop thankfulness. fitting, huh?
in celebration of thanksgiving, raz and her poppa invited 6 of us over for dinner. but i went over earlier, after school, to help out with the cooking and setting up. 3 hours of the preparation actually seemed like 20 minutes-- i was having a ball with every chore. it reminded me so much of being at home, making pies and helping out my mom in the kitchen. raz had the best meal in mind and it came out perfect. we had the most savory chicken soup, stuffing that raz's dad whipped up that was completely delicious, TWO types of mashed potatoes (GARLIC AND CHEESE and REGULAR WITH LOTS O BUTTA AND SALT)... in all honesty i ate half of each pot before they made it to the table, had to do several taste tests of course. aaand we had turkey sandwiches, or tried to have turkey sandwiches. my mouth is watering right now picturing the table. of course we had copious amounts of whites reds and cavas, and chocolates to top it all off.
but i will never forget sitting down and looking at the feast that had so much love in it, and seeing the smiles in everyone's eyes. we were all so fortunate to be able to celebrate the holiday (my favorite, might i add) with friends over a fantastic meal. i really love nothing more than sitting down for thanksgiving at my aunt susan's but raz's last night... the whole everything about last night... it was pretty special.

hahaha
and to top it all off my friend geo and i tried to go to a really uppity preppy club to celebrate Matt's birthday, but this club had a dress code (which we didn't know prior to making the trip up there) aaand low and behold i did not get in wearing my mom's wool hobo jacket. it was quite a scene. not my scene.
but we ended up going to this bar that i was SURE was a strip club upon walking down the ramp into a red room that smelt like skeezy, but it turned out it was just older guys dancing around hammered. it goes without saying that i had fun.

ALL IN ALL THANKSGIVING 09 IS ONE FOR THE BOOKS. thanks for making it happen.

another avenue to scream scream yammer

love of my life darling isabel turned me on to tumblr today
its become an issue already

crapcraft.tumblr.com

Robert Frank

i love their eyes. and santa above her.

on the treadmill like ok go

theres nothing like chucking on some music and writing, if that's what you call this.
today was a good day. this week was filled with good days.
the depmans came to barcelona and asked me to dinner. they're friends of the family that i don't see very often when i'm home, but it's always a blast to have dinner with them over one of my mom's bird or lambies. :)
but the other night was over tapas and wine and crepes! i had a moment where the world seemed so small, because it didn't seem like we were 5000 miles away from the tables we are used to chatting and dining around. it felt like home. seeing familiar faces made me feel at home and miss home, while at the same time feel so excited to be able to have this particular experience where we can be in a foreign city and feel so comfortable, fate check??
tried octopus for the first time. its was a little sketch because i could see its skin, bumpy like. slathered on the sauce so it was really delish.
so that was a nice moment in time..
aaand then i had a nice week academically. not too difficult. messed up my film again, kind of. we'll see what fred has to say about me forgetting a critical part of photography once again.

blah blah blah watched like 5676 episodes of 90210, AND im all caught up with true blood for anyone who cares. also im sooooo excited to see Twilight. ALSO
went to Whatever Works (or Si La Cosa Funciona) the other night. such a good movie, highly recommend it to everyone. larry david is top 5 funniest people ever. shout out to the dollenmaier family, reminds me of seinfeld at grandma's house.

tonight was great. raz's poppa invited the slc girls out to eat:) we went to a tapas place that emma had been raving about but we never had a chance to go since there's always a line if you get there past 8 pm. we got there around 6:30 and were seated immeeeeediately, and proceeded to have a fantastic meal. i am going to miss tapas a lot. so many different things to try, to loveeee, to want a lot more of! chocolate dollops with salt and oil, who knew.
i love meeting family--raz, your dad is a sweetheart. i see where you get your charm!

haha and not to mention my day was pretty chill, also. photography was canceled so i decided to go out to lunch, rather get lunch, at a place on my block. literally best bocadillo i've had here. just a simple egg sandy (HEY KATE I MISS YOU) with cheese and tomato mashy.. warm.. soft bread... chilled beer... or two or three... yum.

so that was my week. my niece also turned 6 yesterday. what a world.

yep that just happened

soooo yeah so many things im thankful for.
tonight--
had the absolute privilege/ opportunity to go out to eat with miss emma and her auntie. it was fantastic for so many reasons:
first. the fact that i dont get to go out to each much given my living situation with beatty. she cooks, i eat it. its delish. well that's fun...
but! sometimes, im so lucky to get invited out to eat with friends and their AWESOME families. dont know why that happens but im grateful.
and tonight!!! wowsers. we went out to Bar Mut (MOM and FRED, we're going there) and had course after course of mind blowing food. first time i had rare dishes. rare tuna, rare steak. AND!! i tried SHRIMP for the first time in my life, and...drum roll... Loved it! my mind has been opened to all sorts of new things tonight.
and the dessert! more importantly, the wine!!
as you can see, given my punctuation, i hated the whole thing. it was a real drag. especially the molten chocolate cake--barf. and the french toast cake deal, gross. i didn't eat any of it ///the entire thing.
and i forgot to write about when ABBY's parentals came. that was a blast as well. the food at Bar-Ra, and the drinks, more importantly the youthful company of her parents, i LOVED it. and the accidents that ensued at the table, unforgettable. im so thankful for having these times out with my new friends and their great familia. makes me miss home! but these times make it easier, too.
aww, im just content.

recentalenta

just got in from my somewhat daily chill time the parko.
so yesterday i had the great fortune to be able to go to a cava winery. not just any winery, but one that makes the wine that i associate with thanksgiving past, freixenet! (sp..) it was a darn good time. despite the early departure time, the whole day was a blast. we had a tranquil train ride inland about an hour, arrived at the winery a little early for our tour so we were able to wander around the town for a bit. emma matt and i found a little cafe where we had a beer chilled to perfection, i'd say it was my favorite glass of the hit or miss estrella yet. aaand then meandered back for the tour, which was very interesting. talk about wine cellar--this place had three floors of cellar-ness. learned some neat facts, one that got me especially is how the yeast is extracted from the bottles. (freezing it! who knew?!) also that such a big company still picks their grapes by hand is pretty cool. then we got to try a couple of different sparkling wines. yummm. one of them reminded me of a certain rosé that i had a couple years ago and got me feeling very apologetic. sorry tim!
then we got back out into the streets and had lunch. it was pretty good. all i know is i need to learn how to make garlic butter. it goes with everything.
then we went to another winery that was a lot smaller, less commercial than freixenet. they have a much smaller facility. the people working there were so nice. it had a more comfortable atmosphere than the previous one, and the cava was great, too!! i think i was having a little bit too much fun by that point, hehhhh...
who wants to start a vineyard with me!!?

we are not the same i am a martian

sometimes i dont realize how old i am.
i find myself looking at facebook (i think my life would be better without it), at people from high school or even middle school, faces that i associate with a much younger, more innocent time in my life, and i get this weird feeling like i've done something wrong or am doing something wrong because i feel so distant from them. like i crave to be at that age again, doing whatever i was doing. going to the pool, playing soccer, eating creemees, sleepovers, calling boys at late hours. instant messaging about funny things. even working at staples. having bonfires, drinking mountain dew.
the fact that this past seems so long ago makes me nostalgic for it that much more. while high school wasn't that long ago, there have been so many changes that it might as well be 5 years ago, rather than 3. and this is probably what caused my major regression this summer. the summer before going abroad, the summer preceding my final summer as a college student--i freaked out. and then it was a major progression coming here, getting yanked out of that whole scene into a new culture where i had to establish my sense of independence or else it would be 4 months of hell. so that down then up caught me off guard. i didnt realize the present divide between a relatively old youth and this new, older youth.
so with all that, i cant look at these people on facebook and feel bad. its just that life happened and nothings wrong with that, we're all doing our thing and we have to appreciate that. people go different ways and that's the best part about growing up--the ability to have a gauge so you can realize change and embrace it, or you're stuck.

but mostly we all just need to get over ourselves.

fanfare and hubbub

so here we are, only 40 days left.
this trip has been many things, but mostly it's been fast. i dont know if its because ive come into a daily routine that has also become a weekly routine, but these weeks are flying by. its monday tomorrow but next thing i know its thursday, and then its the weekend which really seems like one long day, and im doing all my homework at 9 oclock sunday night (or trying to) and then its monday all over again, like that. only a couple more of those until im back home... in the cold.. working... eating ranch dressing with everything and three subs a day. seeing friends and family, others.
im glad i'm here for two semesters. this semester has been one for footing, next one is for exploring, literally and.. spiritually? mentally? cliche but furreal. as i discovered the other night, when i return to the states in june im a senior in college. so that's pretty messed up and i need to deal with that, get ready. maaaajor soul searching for that guy, that looming slightly important guy.
maybe ill write what i've been thinking.
the other night raz and i had the most intense discussion about college. see if i can verbalize any of the nonsense said in between Oh My Gods and Wow I'm Not Readys.
basically the uncertainty of staying the whole year, for me, is based on academics. sarah lawrence is an incredible school with amazing classes, both content and size wise, not to mention my don who i love and the community. its a dream. here im taking classes on history of spain, and as jonah hill put it, when am i ever going to cook tiramisu? am i going to be a chef? no. right. when am i going to need to use the history of catalonia or religion in catalonia or how the european union was created. yes, i understand that its good to have a broad range of knowledge but i think this is pushing it.
also, what the hell is up with making great friends only to say peace out in december and probably never see them again. and i would be doing that twice over staying the whole year. that's pretty strange. but i guess that teaches a lesson about appreciating the moment, blah blah blah. like i know summer camp was kind of that way, but that was also for like a week and we were like 15 and making a bunch of meaningless friends was kind of in at the time. like i really like my friends here. depressing.
so what am i saying? these are all the cons. obvious pros: in barcelona, major growth time and learning without realizing it. distancing myself from myself. i think the fact that i dont feel the need to elaborate on these is indicative to the fact that the pros are--- profound, inevitably expansive. personally important.
sorry this is really for my own good/benefit.
also that mom and fred (<3) already booked their flight for march. hehehheheee
well thanks for listening! i am going to stay. there just have to be some changes in lifestyle, good changes. that will come with independence from this here homestay, too.
im pumped, dont get it twisted.

well that was riveting!

kandinsky

yeah im still alive, surprise!

so its been a little bit. we're already on the verge of mid terms, im incredulous. time is really going by too fast. i had no idea its been two weeks since ive been on here. on that note thank god im here for a year.

so this past weekend, we arcadians (hey raz) took a LONG trip, distance-wise, to the north of spain. after 9 hours on a mini bus thing we ended up in san sebastian where it was ten-plus degrees colder than barcelona (LOVED IT, made me miss the brisk air of vermont) and gorgeous. first thing was checking into my honeyroom sweet with raz then going on a tour of the city. holy shit--there is a boardwalk-ish sidewalk street doojabber that we walked along for thirty minutes, it was breathtaking. the coves on the water were lined with mansions. there was a gigantic statue of jesus on one of the ends. there was an island off the water where people can swim to (in the summer) and chill at a bar. raz and i made a pact to come back and hit that up, she's my long distance swimming bud as i've said before. AND the people in san sebastian are like night and day compared to the general demeanor of the barcelonians... for example as i was walking with raz and emma, an older woman approached us and chatted our ear off about san sebastian and asked us if we liked it, how it compares to barcelona, the u.s., canada... just generally interested in making a relationship. she was the cutest and asked us for a kiss (" dame un beso!" ) before we parted ways. people in stores/restaurants/bars were very cordial. it was nice.. unlike the getting yelled at if you dont have change around here.
i think friday night was my favorite. raz and i had people over to our honeymooner.. that was a funny time. i like when a lot of us get together. then we decided to go out on the town and get pinxchas (little dishes... similar to the tapas here but much better.) had some drinks.. hehh...
i dont think im alone when i say i was hungover the next day. it was a godsend to find a water fountain half way to bilbao, flowing fresh water at head-height. i posted up for five minutes. changed my day/saved it. we stopped at a little town on the way, called something like anchovy, that was unbelievably.... picturesque? stepped off the bus and immediately see a port partly enclosed by undulating coves. the town is on a mountain, and we walked down to the water through these perfect streets with perfect cats and perfect colors. when we got to sea level you could walk out the middle of the port, on the water. it was nuts. anyway we looked it was like woah. the town only has 500 people and most are fisherman... rethinking my life path...
then! bilbao. i wish we had more time there. had some quality chill time then went out to eat. had one of the best plates ever (HI MOM..make note) goat cheese, foie and red berries. with a little salad on the side. then a salmon crepe. it was quite delectable. laid pretty low that night given the previous night's festivities and went to two very different bars. i liked the second one, reminded me of.. hmm... something out of beauty and beast. that took me a long time to relate but i think its spot on. gaston was pretty much there getting raised up on a chair.
aaaaand the next day involved delicious pinxchas and going to the guggenheim where i rekindled my love with modern art. we only had an hour though, which was incredibly unfortunate. i want to start painting, though. i really admire how people can express themselves through painting, especially colors, images.. getting what you are feeling into an image would be.. i can't even imagine. im getting all worked up.
so in retrospect the 9 hours straight on the bus coming home was totally worth the trip, hands down.
what i love about traveling, even living here still is how much my senses are on speed. i think that's why art sounds so appealing to me. its a high, kind of. developing my film tomorrow, hopefully it works!

oh

seriously dont understand this. been thinking about it for a couple weeks now.

its pretty "pedantic" my bad

HOW DID THE US BECOME A WORLD POWER IN NO TIME?

i just look at spain's history and am in awe of what they have been though...

help

we have tools!!

so this is more compulsory than anything else. also its 1:30 on a thursday night, so keep that in mind. in other words im lazy to backspace.

what do i even want to say? the past week/two weeks have been great--i dont remember when i posted last but i think its been a while. sorry. i dont have an excuse. oops.

OH! i do know that i realized the number one cure for a hangover (why am i always mentioning hangovers)--friends. when you have a shitty night, and i mean that in a pleasant way, and you wake up and don't want to do anything, but your friends say come to the beach it will be fun and next thing you know youre walking to the beach at a snails pace with RAZ acting slightly special buying asian food and sitting on a bench people watching (hey kate), then making it to the shore to laugh as we (they...) recall the night, this weight is lifted. suddenly its all fun and menial and life goes on. i love it. SO FIND THESE PEOPLE; ADORE THEIR HUMOR.

pssh enough about that. sobre mi viajando...es por que estoy aqui...

went to Poblet and Tarragona, and my jesus was it beautiful! lets see, tarragona had ancient ruins that were pretty intense. like i thought, how, this is like almost 2000 years old. people walked these streets and watched these chariot races in this here amphitheater. what??

that sounds ignorant slash kind of stupid. but sometimes if you really let yourself think like that, the BASICS about humans living on earth before we fucked it up its pretty neat. maybe that's just me. and poblet had a enchanting monastery. again, people living such different lives, dedicated to something special and close to them, now that's something to admire.

classes are great, im suprisingly pumped about my religion class. i want to find someone/something. any suggestions??

also i think i want to become a curator. hey change in life path.

thats all for now!! im all blogged out.

more to come since ill be all by my lonesome this weekend, just me and my thoughts...and my homework...and my camera... hey that sounds kind of nice.

cerveza fanta coca cola

where to start!? had a wonderful friday to celebrate the first week of class ENDING. omg and my dad was here for a couple days, which was a dream. we had some lovely dinners and it was nice to see family. so last night he took me out with two of my friends, raz and emma, from sarah lawrence, to this great restaurant called tecorino or something like that. delisssshhh spanish food and wine:) and company :):) so that was a nice way to start off the evening but slightly sad to say goodbye to them. anywhoo so kiss kiss bye bye and off emma and raz and i went to a school friend's apartamento where we powered through some drinks and had a laugh or two as we whipped out some major dance moves and yammered about god knows what. like two hours later we're on our way to the port to go to a club, where we find a lot of kids from school on stage dancing. what is that!? night goes on and things start to get fuzzy but it ended with emma and i taking a cab homeeee around 430. i'm so glad that i live so close to her! so the morning rolls around and i wake up feeling only a tad under the weather, to my surprise, and raz and i decide that it might be a good day to beach it. today was the first day it hadn't rained in like three days yipeee. grabbed some snacks and lots of drinks for the beach-- soda tasted like the elixir of life today!!! so we were just taking in the scene for a bit, then raz wanted to put her feet in ( i wanted to swim but didn't bring a bathing suit to barcelona...yeah, reallllyyy smart i know...) which turned into us standing on the shore for an hour just letting the water come to us, occasionally splashing my shorts--until eventually they were completely wet so raz convinced me that i should just go swimming in my clothes, or at least some of them. thennnnn we decided that it would be an excellent adventure to swim to the breakwaters! which we did! despite her fear of the ocean and my deathly fear of shark attacks! go us! the whole thing was beautiful, especially when we finally got there and took in the view of barcelona and the view towards the vast ocean, speckled with sailboats. what a world. hey and barca plays madrid tonight so the city should be wild! chau chau

short, sweet like she

about to go to bed but i feel the need to document a little snippit of my evening. well first i'll start with the highlight of my day--meeting my photo professor. he's the best. i'm so excited. never taken photography and i feel like barcelona is going to be a prime arena for pictures. thanks tim, for the camera!!!
but yeah i think the ultimate highlight of the past 15 waking hours is watching a futbol game with my senora on the television at the dinner table. it was, it was... calming, grounding, placing me in a wonderful reality. i think that's what i mean, what i felt, what i feeeeeel rather.
alright off to bed now
dad and susan come tomorrow:)
&& where the fuck are you guys?!?!?!

sitgessss

oye mio
what a day to end this vacation. school starts tomorrow so we decided to beach it today at a neat place, sitges, conveniently located off a stop on the barcelona metro but a pleasant 30 minutes away from the city. mmm, la playa. we arrived and it immediately began to rain, more like a spittle, so we thought lunch would be a good way to go, out of the rain, eating delicious paella. and sangria. THEN began the worst thunderstorm i have ever heard. claps that sounded like cannons! thought the place was going to go up in flames. definitely lost power for a hot two minutes or so. but blue skies were on their way! since swimming in the rain is always enjoyable we hopped in for a little bit, amongst the medusas (maybe, i hope not). we walked up into the town and had crepes, and by then the rain had totally stopped and the sun was shining--went back down to the beach, and boy oh boy was it nice. it was nice. had a blast people watching and listening to bob dylan sprawled out on a towel. and reading farewell to arms. it was fabtab.
adios, vacaciones!

no but seriously

travels update:
:)

last night was my first night out on the town in a while. lets just say i got home at 5. it was fantastic--emma made dinner, delicious pasta dish and salad. we had some excellent cheap wine (hi, mom) and great conversation. i was thinking about how well we three connect having not spent much time together, and how maybe its a inert connection between sarah lawrencers. strange!
but anywhooo, went to one of our friends' apartment which was a blast. hanging out with kids from school is fun as we get to know one another. also its funny to hang outside of class, how different. thennn we made a trek to the beach. that was nuts, from what i recall. literally a boardwalk lined with clubs and bars, hundreds and hundreds of people chillin on a friday night//saturday morning! i feel really grateful to be here, enjoying this.
and today i did as the old locals do and just sat for an hour on one of the benches on a nearby street. people watched. relaxed, enjoyed the weather, listened to music and read a little. it was soothing for my hangover.
i can't wait to be fluent.

interesting says kate

so i found myself thinking about time just now. i was watching always sunny in philadelphia when i started to ponder daily life. it reminded me of when my mom and i were discussing the inevitability of the next day; i'm not sure how to pass what im thinking to here but its along the lines of parts equaling the whole--rather how day to day life is the sum of the big picture, but is it really? on the whole daily life can be repetitive, boring but that isn't to say that life is boring. charlie, on the show i was watching, works at a bar and literally lives life at a bare minimum, but he wakes up everyday probably going through the same motions with a smile on his face. yes, its just tv but it really got me thinking! then i think of people who are really doing things with their lives, pretty much everyone in my family, and while they may be overwhelmed with the amount of commitment and responsibility they must balance with leisure, hopefully the feeling of accomplishment out weighs the stress. different strokes for different folks, i suppose. i wonder what sets people apart in that respect, probably in childhood. then i think about when things start to really matter in life. hm. i think i've hit a wall on this subject right now... it really never ceases to amaze me, time.

lejos

its weird to be so far away from home but have the luxury (is it a luxury) of the internet and being able to talk to friends/family instantly. let's skype please. rosenosedose

thnaks for being there!

i took the metro today

woaah am i tired, jetlag keeps lagging up to me when i least expect it

right now i am sitting on my bed in my homestay (first night here) and smelling something delicious that my senora is cooking up. yummm....

anywhoo, found out my schedule today which include a couple spanish courses, photography, history, something else, something else, maybe a class at the local university, too! (i take a placement exam for that tomorrow)

aaaaaand we had a long tour. city ripe with history, no doubt. i was passing out though, oh well.

lol so its 9 and dinner is about to be on the table, maybe, maybe later--i can't complain but i can say that the barcelona lifestyle, the schedule, is something to get used to. (ie. getting home at midnight like i did last night is usually when people are just getting out, having their first drink!)

hope i don't fall asleep at the table! that would be a great first impression, huh?

feet in the sea!!

second night in barcelona, although last night doesn't really count because i was a jet lagged zombie pretty much. UM HELLO!?!?! how good was this night///the past two days. yeah---i miss everyone at home, in new york, my loves, but this is unreal. surreal. too real. wonderful! i can't really explain right now, im tired from a day of it and my first night out to a faaaaaabuulous bar with mucha cava and blood filled sausages (dirty?? nahhhh) and a martini to top it off and a side of FUN with emma, from sarah lawrence :). so yeah, so it starts and i'm loving it. come visit.

tomorrow i find out my classes AND i see my new home!

im so greatful for the people here and this spectacular opportunity. how fortunate! this rocks.

hiyooooo

PLUS I PUT MY FEET IN THE MEDITERRANEAN WHILE THE MOON WAS ON ITS WAY UP

whaaaaaaaaat

last name ever first name greatest

what's up cleo? and no, not the black and white thing the lurks around my house. CLEO//CHLOE//CHLO-BO (fo sho ho)
i think i'll give you the short and sweet of my experience with chloe this summer, kind of because i have to. and want to, but mostly because there was an anonymous request for a reflection on chloe and our shenanigans. so i will commence!
actually this relates to my most recent post about friends since forever (i should coin that, FSF) hanging out without heavy change. we met in the peak of innocence at soccer camp like 10 years ago, literally. been friends ever since. our leisure activities have definitely evolved to more leisurely things like playing guitarhero and eating...basic hangout, mang, vermont style.
OK NEVERMIND GOTTA CUT THIS ONE SHORT...the family i babysit for just made me cry, they gave me flowers and books since today is my last day with them. life is weird, i am fortunate.
hey love you chloe.

just a thursday reflection on a wednesday night

yup, northfield. hey. town that i grew up in, lived in the same house until i departed for college, hung out with the same kids since diapers, saw the same faces for eighteen years. slightly steady lifestyle. but then i had a break from the ray of sunshine i call northfield and kicked it up a notch in new york city. people there--unforgettable. obviously. shout out to the fork, yo. my girls, love them love them love them. miss them, school, the city A LOT. anyway, you can imagine the plentiful differences between college and childhood, as with anybody. im totally straying away from what i wanted to talk about but dont really want to backspace, IM HUNGOVER. because of the fun i had last night--ok, we're back! (to the subject, and actually that's a theme for this post, being back) I am back. was back in northfield last night, saw the faces i grew up with, and had a blast. we have all grown up so much but stayed the same. it's funny how comfortableness doesn't falter with true childhood friends, no matter how much time has passed. i shouldn't say childhood and lead you on like its been years, we were hanging out through high school. but seriously, what am i talking about. i think it's just that last night made me appreciate three things (like really): 1) age, aging, the significance and the irrelevance 2) friends--we had fun as kids, have fun as semi-adults, and i have faith in the future 3) northfield, the vortex that can catch you off guard, for the better and for the worse. last night surprised me in the best way. THANK YOU LIFE.

no te preocupes!!

DONT WORRY
this blog will be primarily for documenting and reflecting on my travels in europe, which starts september sixth. so you have to put up with my rambling for now since i really don't have much going on ----YET!

just thinking

currently on my dad's dinosaur of a computer. it's speed is more than frustrating. not only because it takes like 2 minutes to load a page but because i find myself comparing it to the laptop that i used to have--MacBook Pro-- which was much faster and pretty much one of my, if not the most, favorite possessions. it's a tragic story and blurry story involving the last night at college, packing, possibly leaving my laptop case on top of my car or leaving it unlocked, theft or no theft, it was not in my car when i arrived at home the next day. i'm not really sure. this got me thinking about losing things important to me, things i claim to care for and take great care of. but why then do i lose them? do i really care? what do i care about? what is actually most important to me, in theory and in practice?
hm.
i hate losing things. even after telling myself that it doesn't matter, it's only material, it comes down to fault and dwelling on how much you have screwed up--the money you spent, or someone else's money that they spent on you because they love you-- now you are back at square one once it is gone, regressed to the person you were without this particular...thing. now im getting slightly sarcastic. and now im bored with this topic because shit doesn't matter.
i guess i just needed to vent about how much i hate losing things.

cherry

decided to pop my blogging cherry today in a slew of other technological endeavors. added several celebrities I do not know to my "following" in twitter. maybe it will be fun to read about them as I sit and get paid to watch 2 wonderful kids who really don't need my observation. its a nice day out but the computer took over.