fanfare and hubbub

so here we are, only 40 days left.
this trip has been many things, but mostly it's been fast. i dont know if its because ive come into a daily routine that has also become a weekly routine, but these weeks are flying by. its monday tomorrow but next thing i know its thursday, and then its the weekend which really seems like one long day, and im doing all my homework at 9 oclock sunday night (or trying to) and then its monday all over again, like that. only a couple more of those until im back home... in the cold.. working... eating ranch dressing with everything and three subs a day. seeing friends and family, others.
im glad i'm here for two semesters. this semester has been one for footing, next one is for exploring, literally and.. spiritually? mentally? cliche but furreal. as i discovered the other night, when i return to the states in june im a senior in college. so that's pretty messed up and i need to deal with that, get ready. maaaajor soul searching for that guy, that looming slightly important guy.
maybe ill write what i've been thinking.
the other night raz and i had the most intense discussion about college. see if i can verbalize any of the nonsense said in between Oh My Gods and Wow I'm Not Readys.
basically the uncertainty of staying the whole year, for me, is based on academics. sarah lawrence is an incredible school with amazing classes, both content and size wise, not to mention my don who i love and the community. its a dream. here im taking classes on history of spain, and as jonah hill put it, when am i ever going to cook tiramisu? am i going to be a chef? no. right. when am i going to need to use the history of catalonia or religion in catalonia or how the european union was created. yes, i understand that its good to have a broad range of knowledge but i think this is pushing it.
also, what the hell is up with making great friends only to say peace out in december and probably never see them again. and i would be doing that twice over staying the whole year. that's pretty strange. but i guess that teaches a lesson about appreciating the moment, blah blah blah. like i know summer camp was kind of that way, but that was also for like a week and we were like 15 and making a bunch of meaningless friends was kind of in at the time. like i really like my friends here. depressing.
so what am i saying? these are all the cons. obvious pros: in barcelona, major growth time and learning without realizing it. distancing myself from myself. i think the fact that i dont feel the need to elaborate on these is indicative to the fact that the pros are--- profound, inevitably expansive. personally important.
sorry this is really for my own good/benefit.
also that mom and fred (<3) already booked their flight for march. hehehheheee
well thanks for listening! i am going to stay. there just have to be some changes in lifestyle, good changes. that will come with independence from this here homestay, too.
im pumped, dont get it twisted.

well that was riveting!